is this it?

i’m wondering what i’m meant to be. life just seems so pointless right about now. army is just a complete and utter waste of my time. face it, if there’s a war to be fought, it’s going to be fought by regulars. and either way, we’re all dead. yet i’m still rotting away in jurong, a million miles from everything i could possibly call home. i’ve always said i’m used to army life, or i’m settled in. that’s a far cry from school, because even when that was at its worst, there’s always a part of me that wanted to be there. i’d even go to school sick, if only to see my friends. but army is nothing like that. i just exist there, because i lanlan have no other choice. and i see so many things that i could be doing, and even more things that i would do if not for the voice in my head that says fuck it, you’re in army.
i hate to whine, but i can’t help but feel my life is one complete pointless exercise. it’d make a hell of a lot more sense if malaysia had some rockets pointed south. i would probably take trainings seriously then. it’s just all a joke to me now, albeit a really unfunny joke.