there’s so much i’d like to do with my life right now.
to top it off, i have never wanted to go to school so badly. was sitting on the bench outside the toilet in camp a few weeks back with chang, my section mate, and we’re talking about stuff. then one of us mentions how much he wanted start uni and the other just totally agrees. it’s the sort of feeling that i get at the start of every year, like an informal resolution to myself, of how i’m gonna sort things out and get it right. except that its stronger than ever before. because right now, when i’m looking back, i can count myself to be one damn lucky bastard. i did decently well in my O’s, somehow wormed my way into rjc and then scraped through my A’s. but the worst feeling about everything is that i know very well that i’ve never ever really truly fulfilled my potential in the last half a decade. in some ways, that’s kind of sad. i’ve given my fair share of excuses. the most common one was that i needed to live my life as well. and now i’ve had my fun, its time to take a serious look at things.
why the sudden change in attitude? i guess i’ve just spent too much time brooding by myself. most guys would know the insane amount of time in army spent sitting around or doing menial labour. and lately i’ve been slugging it out in outfield where the amount of time spent on my ass increases exponentially. suffice to say, there’s a lot of time for me to think in army. so my mind just wonders off by itself and eventually i find myself figuring out what i’m doing with my life and pondering where is it going. most of the time, when i see myself staying on the path i am on now, things don’t seem to look too rosy. then i start planning my future. i haven’t got very far, but at the very least i have a vague idea of what needs to be done like preparing for uni and not letting my mind rot in camp. then i’m starting to figure out the steps that i need to take to really move on in life in general. things are pretty much in a state of static right now and i just wanna mix things up a little. plus i’m hatching this idea, a little brain child of my own. it’s rough, but i’m hoping to make it a real gem one day.
but anyway, it’s one thing to sit down and blog about how i’m going to change my life and its one whole other thing to go out and get it done. i’ve actually started on some minor aspects but i hope to build on it and with some perseverance, things might be on the up.
